Catching up

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My brother holding his baby sister

Gosh it’s been so long since I’ve written anything. I feel like a slug.

I finished that pretty sweater for Becky and guess what? IT WAS TOO BIG!!! She lost weight in between start and finish and now it just hangs on her. So, we make another :). This time I let her pick the yarn and, boring girl, don’t she just pick navy blue! The Camp Hoodie I made for her was navy blue. She used to work at QuadGraphics and wore navy blue every… single… day! Nope – that’s what she wanted, so that’s what Auntie’s making. One thing you definitely gotta say for the girl, she appreciates everything.

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I also made a couple of scarves in there…

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And a beaded shawl for myself….

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(my coordinator says that photo makes me look like a Jawa…)

So, I’ve kept busy, I haven’t just been slogging it the last few months, but lately it’s been a burden to do anything. I can’t seem to function or concentrate on anything but knitting. It seems to be the only thing holding me together. You see, that boy at the top of the page is my big (biggest) brother, Terry. He died in October, 2 weeks after his 66th birthday and 4 days after my 58th. I can’t exactly say that we were close. He lived in Seattle and I didn’t get to see him often. Email, the odd phone call now and then. But not like living in town with him.

But, you see, he was still my brother. We did all those crazy, stupid things that kids do together like go sledding down the suicide hill behind Nathan Hale. And go trick or treat at night – by ourselves (we grew up in a more innocent age). Or slogging through the wilds of Root River parkway, the boys shooting at each other with their six-shooters (cap guns) and me riding on the back of our faithful dog Amber. My brothers were my heroes – still are – there was never a doubt in my mind that nothing could happen to me when my brothers were around. When he went away to college, even though it was Marquette and only downtown, he moved out and that’s when we began growing apart. I was only 9 or 10 when he moved out – he was 8 years older and started college early. We just didn’t have a lot to say to each other until we were adults. He was busy being married, a father and a navy man sailing all over the world. I was busy with puberty, acne and trying to survive Lane Junior High School.

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Plus it’s that feeling – you who are a little older will understand. All my parent’s generation are gone. Even some of my cousins. My brother Greg and I are now the seniors in our family and it’s… weird. We have 2 cousins from Terry’s cohort left, Carol Jean and Charlene – I don’t know about any of the others. But then they get into Greg’s cohort, then mine (which is the smallest). I used to have 17 cousins. I now have somewhere around 10.

So all that combined to drop this pall of inactivity over me. I’m over the crying – well, mostly. Sometimes, like now, talking about him and the old times and looking at the photos, I still mist up.

He was a ham radio operator and member of the Pacific Northwest SARS team. He was an Author whose book is still available on Amazon.com. He was a computer scientist who programmed call centers for huge European banks. He was a nuclear physicist and astrophysicist. He was a loving, gentle husband and father whose own son was taken much too soon (TJ died in 2001). He was a genius, a perfect combination of Sheldon and Leonard from the Big Bang Theory – a nerd and a hacker (before hacker became a bad word) but, unlike both of them he had a wicked sense of humor. He was so much to so many people.

Most of all he was my brother.

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2 thoughts on “Catching up

  1. Sweetie, I feel your pain. I lost my baby brother in 1998. He was only 32. And I’m of that age, as you mentioned, that I’m feeling my mortality too. I’m glad you are able to vent some of these feelings in your writing. But I know the hurt you are feeling.

    And your brother sounds like an amazing man. Thank you for sharing him with your readers.

    hugzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Like

    • Thanks! He was an amazing man – both of my brothers are. Terry and Paula (his wife) had some very close friends and their son adopted Terry as his Grampa, so there is someone left to carry his legacy of love into the future. He lives in all our hearts.

      Like

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